The Washington Post once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:
Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Foreploy (n): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come very quickly.
And the pick of the literature: Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
uh huh. Ingesting Gila Monster spit. Riiiiiight.
I wonder if the side effects include a strange compulsion to rest your feet on elevated objects resulting in the "knee up" position?
For more "knee up" enjoyment, I give you the home version of the Giant Gila Monster Drinking Game!!
Playing The Giant Gila Monster Drinking Game is simple. Whenever anyone in the movie puts their leg up on something, take a drink!
Also applicable when watching MST3K episode 402
From the Negativland album Escape from Noise
Supposing you're watching the Playboy Channel....
("Ooooh yes! Oh....")
And it's just about time for them to have an orgasm....
("....Oh! Oh! Harder! Oh! Oh! I think I'm gonna explode! Oh! Oh!....")
When all of a sudden....
Wham.
That horrible noise comes in, and completely destroys your orgasm on the Playboy Channel.
("Oh yes!")
There it goes again. (OH YEAH!) That awful interference, wrecking your orgasm
on the Playboy Channel. (YEAH!)
You've called the cable TV company six times.
("oh oh oh oh oh oh....")
Each time the technician comes out, he can't fix the problem.
He is fired.
Wham! (YEAH!)
That sound is more important than you are.
That sound is more important than your entire life.
And it will stop you from having an orgasm....on the Playboy Channel. (YEAH!)
Authentic Viking Couture or Flashdance-inspired sweatshirt and leg warmers? You decide?!?
Story here ...
This is a very funny account of a cat person getting a dog. Worth 90 seconds of literacy.
A Cat Person Gets a Dog
It doesn't purr. It doesn't clean itself. It eats bras.
By Emily Yoffe
Excerpt
"I am a cat person. A lifelong cat person. During the 100 or so years I was single, I spent hours discussing my problems in baby talk to my cats. (Through a heat pipe, I once heard my downstairs neighbors imitate one of these conversations.) My clothing and furniture were always covered with a fine layer of fur. I rated potential suitors on their reaction to my cats (a scale running from hostility to indifference).
Dog owners talk about the unconditional love you get from a dog. Unconditional love is one of those popular concepts, like closure, that doesn't actually exist. Dog love is full of conditions: Feed me, walk me, praise me. Dog love grovels. One of the things I admire about cats is that they are capable of love; they just dole it out when it suits them. As Churchill said, "Dogs look up to you; cats look down on you." . . . "
It is true ... you can get grant money for just about anything.
S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night!
S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night!
S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night!
S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night!
Gonna keep on dancin' to the
rock and roll
On Saturday night, Saturday night
Dancin' to the rhythm in our
heart and soul
On Saturday Night, Saturday night
IIIII just can't wait,
IIII got a date
*At the good ole rock and roll road
show, I gotta go
Saturday Night,
Saturday Night
Gonna rock it up, roll it up
Do it all, have a ball,
Saturday Night,
Saturday Night
It's just a Saturday Night
It's just a Saturday Night
It's just a Saturday Night
Gonna dance with my baby till the
night is thru
On Saturday Night, Saturday Night
Tell her all the little things I'm
gonna do
On Saturday night, Saturday Night
IIIIlove her so
III I'm gonna let her know
Saturday Night
The Bay City Rollers
- written by Bill Martin and Phil Coulter
A friend of mine started a new job this week ... and has to be there VERY early in the morning. After 4 days ... she's on 9 cups of coffee a day. That does not compare to my other friend's habit of (hold on to your seats) 3 POTS a day ... but I digress. This announcment reminded me of things like:
And of course: You know you drink too much coffee when ...
1. Juan Valdez names his mule after you.
2. You chew on your roommate's fingernails.
3. You can jump-start your car without cables.
4. You do twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
5. You can't remember your second cup.
6. You have a picture of your coffeemug on your coffee mug.
7. Starbucks has a mortgage on your house.
8. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
9. You don't sweat -- you percolate.
10. You grind coffee beans in your mouth.
Create your own fireworks show (cause public displays are lame)
Get Down wit da Founding Fathers (Select Mutha Fo' Fathers)
Happy 4th O' July
Hmm I just can't tell the celebrity from the look-alike ...
Second cartoon taken from this interesting message
So when I said Grease 2 was one the most guilty pleasure movies of all time ... I clearly had forgotten about this gem from 1980.
"Leon planned "The Great Allnighter" by picking college students to participate in his night long scavenger hunt ... "
Yes, I am so cheesy some people might mistake me for a cheeto ...
Just for you ...
Sarcastic remarks to get you through the day.
1. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
2. Do I look like a fucking people person?
3. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
4. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
5. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
6. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
7. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
8. You!... Off my planet!
9. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my
cats.
10. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
11. The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.
12. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
13. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
14. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
15. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
16. Allow me to introduce my selves.
17. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
18. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
19. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
20. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
21. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
22. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
23. I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the
house?
24. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
25. Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
26. It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.
27. A woman's favorite position is CEO.
28. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
29. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
30. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen
asleep yet.
31. Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?
32. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
33. Okay, okay, I take it back! UnFuck you!
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
36. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
37. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
38. I plead contemporary insanity.
39. And which dwarf are you?
40. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
41. Meandering to a different drummer.
42. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?
I'm opening the phone lines for Matrix Trilogy discussions with this to perk you up ... this made me laugh until I got a side cramp. It's from a google discussions post ...
Am I Dumber than Keanu Reeves
"Self esteem is very low right now. After walking out of the original matrix movie on two seperate occasions, I saw the sequel, and saw everything but that last 2 minutes. I just don't get it? Am I too stupid? Can I sue my local school board? WTF is the problem? The photography and art direction are very cool, but the whole movie goes over my head. Its like a Frank Herbert book. I'm totally lost, and overwhelmed with information I cant comprehend or understand. Everybody in the movie theater loved it. I forced myself to stay in my seat, as long as i could. I left and when I got in my car and drove off, I saw them exit. What did I miss?? I'll be pissed if Dumbya gets the Matrix."
All I can say is ... Wwoooah!
