You've read them before (or maybe you haven't?) ... but can you ever REALLY get enough True Porn Clerk Stories? Really?

Exenatide (a.k.a Lizard Spit)-- This drug, derived from the saliva of a lizard known as the Gila monster, is the first in a new class of therapies for type 2, or adult-onset, diabetes. The drug is said to not only control patients' blood sugar levels but also reduce weight.

uh huh. Ingesting Gila Monster spit. Riiiiiight.
I wonder if the side effects include a strange compulsion to rest your feet on elevated objects resulting in the "knee up" position?

For more "knee up" enjoyment, I give you the home version of the Giant Gila Monster Drinking Game!!

Playing The Giant Gila Monster Drinking Game is simple. Whenever anyone in the movie puts their leg up on something, take a drink!
Also applicable when watching MST3K episode 402

"I don't make this noise myself, folks, it's called `Foley.' I'll be back later with another fun fact. Thanks, and enjoy."

Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam sushi and Spam.

It's a lunch meat luau: Spam goes Hawaiian!

"Hawaiians, who eat more Spam per person than any other group in the United States, now have a Spam product of their very own. The can features hula dolls in grass skirts and a recipe for Spam musubi, which consists of a strip of fried Spam wrapped on the outside of a rice ball held in place by dried seaweed. "

Correct me if I'm wrong ... but isn't that Spam Sushi !?!?

Try it yourself, and discover more about Hawaii's strange obsession with Spam.

Pink tender morsel
Glistening with salty gel
What the hell is it?

Looks like we have a Playboy hopeful over at Portia's Pride!

Turnons: Lying naked in the warm sun, licking myself and others, anything that makes me purrrrr.

Turnoffs: Claws, tail-tuggers, biters.

meow baby ... very meow!

As a rabid SATC (Sex & the City) viewer ... I was really interested to put a topic of this week's episode up for debate.

Not a viewer? Go here for a synopsis of the episode.

Here is a post that addresses some of the issue ...
" (Many) adults with kids think the world has to adapt itself to them, their kids, and both sets of needs. As if they're automatically superior because they have children. The irony is that these parents think they're better because they're no longer selfish like single people. But these parents are every bit as selfish and self-obsessed; they just bring their kids into the circle and teach the tykes how to be as self-centered as they are - that the world revolves around them. "

So what do you think? Being single and childless, I often get the impression from some married with children people (not all mind you, but ...) that many things I consider important ... well, aren't in their eyes. A single person can often feel trivialized amongst the world of weddings and babies.

Now the restaurant thing ... I have a bone to pick there. Now before you start flaming me, I'm not saying "don't bring your kids to restaurants" ... but I am saying "don't bring your kids to adult restaurants if they do not know how to behave in an adult place!" Being in a VERY family-oriented place in this country, I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I wanted to ask some parents who are IGNORING their misbehaving children to PLEASE LEAVE IF YOU CAN'T CONTROL YOUR CHILD! Now I'm not so ignorant that I don't realize that kids have tantrums and fits, but I very strongly believe that it is the responsibility of the parents to take care of that situation ... I've seen strangers ask people to control their kids WAY too many times. What's the deal with that?

But that's just my opinion ... What do you think?

From the Negativland album Escape from Noise

Supposing you're watching the Playboy Channel....
("Ooooh yes! Oh....")
And it's just about time for them to have an orgasm....
("....Oh! Oh! Harder! Oh! Oh! I think I'm gonna explode! Oh! Oh!....")
When all of a sudden....
Wham.
That horrible noise comes in, and completely destroys your orgasm on the Playboy Channel.
("Oh yes!")
There it goes again. (OH YEAH!) That awful interference, wrecking your orgasm
on the Playboy Channel. (YEAH!)
You've called the cable TV company six times.
("oh oh oh oh oh oh....")
Each time the technician comes out, he can't fix the problem.
He is fired.
("sound of toilet flush")
Wham! (YEAH!)
That sound is more important than you are.
That sound is more important than your entire life.
And it will stop you from having an orgasm....on the Playboy Channel. (YEAH!)

California government has finally shown itself as the circus that we all know it to be ...

At a Green Party event in San Francisco, Ralph Nader got a pie in the puss!

"A man ran into the room, shoved a pie in Nader's face, and ran out. Nader threw some of the pie (back) at the unidentified man as he took off, but the police didn't catch him."

Clearly this is going to become the greatest-est show on earth.
Send in the clowns .... Where are the clowns ...

They're already here ... (from the LA times ... requires free registration, sorry)

Also visit: http://www.free-speech.org/

Authentic Viking Couture or Flashdance-inspired sweatshirt and leg warmers? You decide?!?

Story here ...

vent -- v.t. 1. To give expression to: often used with on; to vent one's rage on the cat. 2. To relieve, as by giving vent to emotion.

Let's get ready to ... VENT!

Props to Blogjam.com for such a brilliant idea! Now shut the hell up and just go vent!

From over at Gothamist.com ... Arnold: The Running Man!

Reasons to support Arnold's run for Governor of California:
- Will probably support Austrian pastries. Mmm...pastries.
- Terminator, Predator, Kindergarten Cop (he got those kids in line - he can do it with Sacramento bureaucracy)
- Only political candidate Gothamist has seen naked. But that doesn't mean we want to see Arianna or Gray naked. Lord no.
- Admitted he got a bikini wax. Metrosexual, yes, but then again, he's man enough to own up to it.
- Ain't our state.
- Savvy manipulator of media, which Gothamist respects.
- Pithy, soundbite worthy speeches

Reasons not to support Arnold's run for Governor of California :
- The Last Action Hero, Batman & Robin
- No political experience.
- Will do anything for money, probably, even though he's crazy rich.
- Hollywood connections lead to more Wag the Dog type possibilities.
- Will have to hear "I'll be back" in re-election speeches. And incessant playing of "Bad to the Bone."
- Suspected ulterior motive: Ruling the world.

Arnold's official site: Schwarzenegger.com

(snickering quietly to self ...)

Bobby Dashiell for Governor of California

"The signatures have been validated, the motions have been thrown out; like it or not, the recall is on. While there's no question the people of California deserve better than they've had lately, it's crucial that they not have worse. Instead of three more years of Casper the Unfriendly Ghost, they could be looking at a fading action star or a former child actor at the helm. In this motley race, Larry Flynt rises to Nader-like credibility."

"I can't in good conscience stand by and let this happen to the greatest, most golden state in the union, so I herefore declare my candidacy to replace Gov. Gray Davis. I am fit, I am rested and I am ready to run."

Turn Around, Turn Around
There's a thing there that can be found.
Turn Around, Turn Around
It's a human skull on the ground.
Human skull ... on the ground ... turn around!

Time to play ... What is happening here??

1. A whole new crowd goes crazy for Justin Timberlake on TRL ...
2. Someone yelled "FREE MONEY" in a crowded place ...
3. While in Toys-R-Us ... one of the pokemon displays sends an entire crowd into seizures of the Hokey Pokey ...
or
4. A supposed savvy group of individuals (a.k.a. ignoramouses) all show up at a place at an assigned time (like sheep), act out a loose script (no, this isn't going to get you an acting job), and then take off (because clearly they have nothing better to do with their lives) ...

Click here for the answer.

Focus on the donut ... sweet sweet donut ... mmmmmm donut.

Krispy Kreme conquers the world!

The first rule about flash mob is ... you don't talk about flash mob.

Now when I first heard about this (and of course I was only paying about 10% attention as is my norm) I heard the word "flash" and the word "mob" and jumped to the following potential conclusions:

1. Someone was randoming going around flashing mobs of people in public places.
2. A mob of people was flashing unsuspecting individuals whilst cavorting through large metro areas with the wind tickling their fancies.
3. Some quite attractive man flashed his nekkidness to the masses, and was mobbed after being called "the next John Holmes."

This ... I did not expect. It only proves that we have peaked as a society and can now look forward to the fall of our empire and certain extinction.

Can anyone possibly explain this to me ... anyone ... anyone ???

More on this ...
http://www.flashmob.co.uk/
Mob Project 1.0 - Flash Mob Central

Attention ... Achtung!

Actress Tara Reid actually wore something tasteful to a hollywood event!!!
Tara Reid at the Teen Choice Awards

Also I noticed that David Spade was sporting his very own "make your own trucker hat" hat.
David Spade displays his oversized trucker hat while hosting the Teen Choice Awards

And lastly ... overheard behind the scenes ... "AAAAHHHH ... she's wearing my top ... I can never leave the house again ... someone fire my stylist!"

Sarah Michelle Gellar's Reaction -- having just spotted Jessica Simpson.

(Singing to self) Pretty in pink ... isn't she ...

tee hee ... oh come on now ... you gals and drag queens know how it is when you get all glamed up only to find someone else there with the EXACT SAME OUTFIT ...

The California government (using that term loosely) is apparently the laughing stock of the nation due to the recent events around the potential "recall" elections. The whole state can fall off into the ocean as far as I'm concerned (and yes, I've lived there ... so I can say that) -- BUT, after seeing that Larry Flynt is making a bid for the Democratic ticket candidate for California Governor as the self-proclaimed "smut peddler who cares" I'm willing to give the state another chance.

Mostly ... I think I would nearly pay actual money to see Flynt as the Democratic candidate go up against Arnold "I'll be back" Schwarzenegger representing the Republican ticket. Can you even imagine the political ads now?!?

Arnold ... what is your campaign platform ...

"To crush my enemies, see them driven before me, and to hear the lamentation of the women!"