SEE GRAVEDIGGER AND BIGFOOT ... LIVE!!!!!
Ahh ... the lure of the monster truck without quite so much of the monster truck "atmosphere."
Of course ... this makes me wonder if an afternoon at the museum might turn ugly -- like an afternoon at the county fair. Anyone in Chicago ... take a trip and let me know! :-)
I just love it when life imitates The Simpsons.
This is a very funny account of a cat person getting a dog. Worth 90 seconds of literacy.
A Cat Person Gets a Dog
It doesn't purr. It doesn't clean itself. It eats bras.
By Emily Yoffe
Excerpt
"I am a cat person. A lifelong cat person. During the 100 or so years I was single, I spent hours discussing my problems in baby talk to my cats. (Through a heat pipe, I once heard my downstairs neighbors imitate one of these conversations.) My clothing and furniture were always covered with a fine layer of fur. I rated potential suitors on their reaction to my cats (a scale running from hostility to indifference).
Dog owners talk about the unconditional love you get from a dog. Unconditional love is one of those popular concepts, like closure, that doesn't actually exist. Dog love is full of conditions: Feed me, walk me, praise me. Dog love grovels. One of the things I admire about cats is that they are capable of love; they just dole it out when it suits them. As Churchill said, "Dogs look up to you; cats look down on you." . . . "
Now ... someone sent me the following link.
Monkeys Invade Tea Estate in Eastern India
After thinking of the typical jokes ... "Bands of guerrillas attack estate" and so on, I read more carefully and realized the humor in the words themselves.
Now that is funny.
Good Kitty ... now bring mama the diamonds!
And they still deny it's a miracle plant ...
And finally ... the latest "strange thing afoot in India"
What's next ... are they going to 'beep beep beep' as they backup?
And you thought rest stops were just for picking up trucker speed and hookers.
Road rage on the autobahn? Take a break at the first feng shui rest stop
"Calling the site the first of its kind in Europe, proprietors Tank und Rast said the main building's sweeping roof mimicks the rolling hills of Baden-Wuerttemberg state while feng shui advisors have ensured that the design allows an unhampered "energy flow". "
It is true ... you can get grant money for just about anything.
"Oh Earl ... you are just a big fat liar."
"No Maybel, I swear ... my eyes were closed during the whole topless part of that show! If I'm lying to you ... may I be struck down by lightning right here."
Boom.
S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night!
S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night!
S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night!
S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night!
Gonna keep on dancin' to the
rock and roll
On Saturday night, Saturday night
Dancin' to the rhythm in our
heart and soul
On Saturday Night, Saturday night
IIIII just can't wait,
IIII got a date
*At the good ole rock and roll road
show, I gotta go
Saturday Night,
Saturday Night
Gonna rock it up, roll it up
Do it all, have a ball,
Saturday Night,
Saturday Night
It's just a Saturday Night
It's just a Saturday Night
It's just a Saturday Night
Gonna dance with my baby till the
night is thru
On Saturday Night, Saturday Night
Tell her all the little things I'm
gonna do
On Saturday night, Saturday Night
IIIIlove her so
III I'm gonna let her know
Saturday Night
The Bay City Rollers
- written by Bill Martin and Phil Coulter
LOOKEE! I have new site design! It's mahvelous! Like getting a good new haircut! Although, it is a bit disturbing how the whole thing really fits what someone called me once
"The Vile Temptress" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
But merci beaucoup to my own personal insomniac designer
:-) Me likeee!
Greetings humans ... I am Bitey the cat. My human is always sleeping on the job, so I have decided to pass along things I think you all should bat around the house a while.
*No humans were bitten during the writing of this entry*
Now I saw this today ... what the hell are they thinking? The syntax and dialect on this thing is ALL WRONG! (And if inquiring minds want to know ... yes it comes from Japan *surprise*)
You can read more about it and a dog version called Bowlingual here.
What I am really angry about though is how my human "conveniently" forgot to inform me about this live wire that was supposedly on cable last month.
MEOW TV!
Now that's what I call real entertainment! Squirrels and birds and mice! YEAH!
So why are they not showing this anymore? Anyone ... anyone?@?
Here is some press about it from a while ago ...
There are 85 million cats living in 35 million homes in the United States. And all of us are being deprived of our meow tv! Kitties unite in a letter writing campaign to bring back our Meow TV!!!!
I WANT MY MEOW TV!
*licks paw and begins grooming*
UPDATE!!!! -- ATTENTION HOUSTON AND TAMPA CATS (and those in surrounding regions)!! Meow TV is holding auditions for you and/or your humans to humiliate themselves on national TV! Go HERE to find your location and get your fuzzy buns out there! Make us proud!
Some have seen this before ... but I think it is one of the funniest links. I won't spoil the surprise if you haven't seen it ... just go HERE.
News story about the link posted here.
It's more than funny ... it's HA HA funny.
Whether in good sport or not ... smacking the sausage is best left in the privacy of one's own home.
Word of the day ...
onanist
n : a person who practices masturbation [syn: masturbator]
Pittsburgh Pirates' Randall Simon suspended for beating the brat
The Milwaukee Brewers "Super Sausage Team"
And you thought it was just a sketch ...
Hello, and welcome to the 27th Silly Olympiad, an event held traditionally every 3.7 years, which this year has brought together competitors from over 4 million different countries. And here we are at the start of the first event of the afternoon: the second semifinal of the 100 yards for people with no sense of direction.
Starter: Get set!
Starter's Pistol: [Bang]
Well, that was fun, wasn't it?
And now, over to the other end of the stadium. And here they're just waiting for the start of the 1500 meters for the deaf. And they're under starter's orders.
Starter's Pistol: [Bang]
Well, we'll be coming back the moment there's any action. And now over to the swimming. And you join us here at the Bundesabsurd pool just in time to see the start of the 200 meters freestyle for non-swimmers.
Starter's Whistle: [Whistle]
Swimmers: [Splash]
Well, we'll be bringing you back here the moment they start fishing the corpses out. And now over to the start of the marathon for incontinents.
We put in for this event 44 competitors from 29 different countries, all of them with the most superbly weak bladders. Not a tight sphincter in sight. Ready to embark, nevertheless, on the world's longest race and they're just aching to go!
Starter's Pistol: [Bang]
There's Polinski of Poland in the lead, and-and now Brewer of Australia is taking over! ---- And so now it is Alvarez of Cuba, followed by the plucky Norwegian Borg, they're in and out like yo-yos these boys. Well, well, these must be some of the weakest bladders ever to represent their country!
Oh ... my ... god ... I'm seriously you guys ... It is my official opinion that the sole purpose of this final season of Sex and the City is to turn me into a Pavlovian drooling dog. I just read this ...
I am SO saddened to hear that Ron is out ... but, I can't think of too many people that could fall into place better than Mulder. mmmmmm Foxy.
A friend of mine started a new job this week ... and has to be there VERY early in the morning. After 4 days ... she's on 9 cups of coffee a day. That does not compare to my other friend's habit of (hold on to your seats) 3 POTS a day ... but I digress. This announcment reminded me of things like:
And of course: You know you drink too much coffee when ...
1. Juan Valdez names his mule after you.
2. You chew on your roommate's fingernails.
3. You can jump-start your car without cables.
4. You do twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
5. You can't remember your second cup.
6. You have a picture of your coffeemug on your coffee mug.
7. Starbucks has a mortgage on your house.
8. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
9. You don't sweat -- you percolate.
10. You grind coffee beans in your mouth.
It was somewhere in the neighborhood of $250 million ... sigh. But no, I get the gub'mt cheese -- $6 from having 2 powerballs. That depressed me. But this depressed me even more.
Hi-ho, Hi-ho ... it's back to hiding in school I go ...
Just carousing my reading this evening ... ran across this funny from Zannah entitled Ikea is an illness. Being in an Ikea-free zone (sniff, sniff) I must liken the experience to the inescapable $100 Target run. But oh no ... we don't just have your old run of the mill Target here ... no no ... we have SUPER TARGET! Much like Super Wal-Mart, but for the cool kids, it has a grocery side and a normal Target goodies side. I often go with a list ... need shampoo, q-tips, and a pack of diet vanilla coke -- and still come out with an additional $90 of crap I clearly didn't need. It's a curse. I always wonder if they pump oxygen through the store (like they supposedly do in casinos) to get you just high enough to wander the store looking at all the shiny things you clearly don't need.
I also remember Ikea from my west coast days ... not quite, but nearly as evil.
Perhaps I should start a support group ... Hi my name is Kitty, I'm a Target-aholic. Hi Kitty.
So after finding this gem ... I've decided there is a need for a weekly segment I'm calling "Strange things afoot in India."
This week's entry ... India Sends Elephants to Spa
"By this treatment the elephants look fresh, and are enabled to work the whole season for the temple-related religious functions," K. Mainkandan, administrator of the Kerala state temple authority, said Monday. "Like humans, the elephants are get rejuvenated and stand erect with pomp and pride."
Um ... I'm not sure I want to be near an elephant "standing erect with pomp and pride."
I believe the consensus is ... you love him or you hate him ... or you love him and hate him. But in any case, he's usually pretty darn funny.
Catch Bill's stand-up performance live from New York City: Victory Begins at Home. On HBO Saturday July 19 at 10 pm eastern/pacific ...
View the promo here (quicktime)
A CNN Poll shows this summer's sequel crop has moviegoers staying out of the theaters. Granted ... most of this summer's offerings have been lackluster, but looking at the success of Finding Nemo may finally show a behavior change in the general moviegoing public. Could it actually be possible that people HAVE STOPPED GOING TO CRAPPY MOVIES?!?! Let's also not forget that unemployment is rapidly apporoaching 10 million people in this country, and I'm sure that food and shelter may take precedence over watching a so-so movie.
What do you think about that?
MR. T BEATS CANCER WITH CHICKEN AND PEANUT BUTTER DIET
"The A-Team" star Mr. T is bouncing back to great health after being diagnosed with rare T-cell lymphoma thanks to a greasy chicken breakfast and peanut butter. The 51-year-old star insists his odd diet is helping him build up his strength as he continues to beat cancer.
He says, "I eat a whole rotisserie chicken for breakfast every day. It's nice and moist from the health food store.
"Later, I have a peanut butter sandwich with a banana and some apple sauce. All that helps to get me through the day."
Mr T, who is no longer undergoing chemotherapy, says his diet has got him feeling so good that he'd like to jump back in the ring with Sylvester Stallone if the movie star ever gets another planned "Rocky" movie off the ground.
Create your own fireworks show (cause public displays are lame)
Get Down wit da Founding Fathers (Select Mutha Fo' Fathers)
Happy 4th O' July
If you are one of those people who loved "Convoy" and "Smokey and the Bandit" -- then, this bud's for you!
YES, YOU CAN LEARN HOW TO MAKE A HAT FROM SOME PAPER PLATES, A FOLDER AND SOME SIX-PACK RINGS.*
*--In just seven, simple steps!
So what are you waiting for? Put the hammer down, keep your nose between the ditches, and Smokey out of your britches!
He goes 'Ralph' when he coughs up a hairball
Emerson, almost 3 months old, catnaps in a vase in the Pagination Used Book Store and Fabulous Finds in South Williamsport, Pa. Owner Debbie Perry found both the kitten and a signed copy of a Ralph Waldo Emerson tome at a local yard sale. By the signature was a doodle of a cat. And if that isn't kitty karma, we don't know what is.
Reigning champion C Diddy strums his invisible axe at the U.S. Air Guitar Championship, at the Roxy in Los Angeles.
A little something interesting I read in the most recent Entertainment Weekly ...
THE WACHOWSKI BROTHERS' COMICS
"For as often as it's reported that Matrix writer-directors Larry and Andy Wachowski are former comics writers, mention of their specific credits is harder to find that the Zion mainframe. But the books are indeed out there, if you scour enough back-issue bins -- it's just that you might find them filed under "barker, Clive." Back in the early 90's, the British horror-meister partnered with Marvel on several projects, with the Wachowskis contributing stories to Clive Barker's Book of the Damned, a Hellraiser anthology, a Nightbreed spin-off, and even, yes, Hellraiser Spring slaughter. (Only Larry is credited, but as he told EW shortly after the first Matrix installment, "We wrote everything together, but because of certain weird legal deals, [Marvel] didn't know.") The brothers' most recognizable work, though, was in the collaboration with their future Matrix storyboard artist Steve Skroce on Ectokid, part of the short-lived "Barkerverse" superhero line. The title character is a streetwise youth who has the uncanny ability to jump back and forth between the real world and the ghostly "Ectosphere" that overlays it -- and kick butt in both. Talk about deja vu, Neo. -- TR"
