And you thought it was just a sketch ...

Hello, and welcome to the 27th Silly Olympiad, an event held traditionally every 3.7 years, which this year has brought together competitors from over 4 million different countries. And here we are at the start of the first event of the afternoon: the second semifinal of the 100 yards for people with no sense of direction.

Starter: Get set!
Starter's Pistol: [Bang]

Well, that was fun, wasn't it?

And now, over to the other end of the stadium. And here they're just waiting for the start of the 1500 meters for the deaf. And they're under starter's orders.

Starter's Pistol: [Bang]

Well, we'll be coming back the moment there's any action. And now over to the swimming. And you join us here at the Bundesabsurd pool just in time to see the start of the 200 meters freestyle for non-swimmers.

Starter's Whistle: [Whistle]
Swimmers: [Splash]

Well, we'll be bringing you back here the moment they start fishing the corpses out. And now over to the start of the marathon for incontinents.

We put in for this event 44 competitors from 29 different countries, all of them with the most superbly weak bladders. Not a tight sphincter in sight. Ready to embark, nevertheless, on the world's longest race and they're just aching to go!

Starter's Pistol: [Bang]

There's Polinski of Poland in the lead, and-and now Brewer of Australia is taking over! ---- And so now it is Alvarez of Cuba, followed by the plucky Norwegian Borg, they're in and out like yo-yos these boys. Well, well, these must be some of the weakest bladders ever to represent their country!